If I were Supreme Commander...

I'll tell you one thing, if I ruled the world, cilantro and anchovies wouldn't exist. Since I don't rule the world, clearly, and probably never will, you cannot question how I would make those two evil things disappear. But in case you're wondering, I haven't thought about how to make it happen.

I'd also like to think that if I ruled the world, I would do so with good intentions. However, if given the opportunity to become an Evil Overlord, I would definitely incorporate some of this guy Nick Scipio's ideas.

In particular:

#7: When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “no,” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him and then say “no.”

Seriously, revealing your evil plan while holding the hero at the point of some lethal device only gives the hero enough time to think of how to thwart you, and the hubris to work its magic. Although if I were the hero, I'd end up confused and ask to go over a few more details before my horrific death. Though I'm genuinely confused, my confusion will confuse the evil overlord, thereby guaranteeing my haphazard escape.

#20: Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Despite my attempts to laugh maniacally, it has never been proven effective. Once I even strained my solar plexus trying. But if you're in the mood for maniacal laughter, scoot on over to Dr. Horrible's SingAlong Blog and enjoy.

#29: I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

I do this anyway, regardless. But to finally have a legitimate reason to laugh maniacally in the face of the latest fashionably acceptable style of dress makes me smile...evilly.

#55: The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

This is just common sense.

#95: My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it’s an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

I always end up feeling slightly sorry for the inept guard. Finally, a way to be inept without discrimination.

Apparently, this was written before the days of wireless internet and 2 gig lipstick drives. But a lot of it is still relevant a decade later. Also, the author is apparently a famous Internet erotica writer. Interesting.